The Ever Helpful Professor Gilderoy Lockhart
by ClockworkWerewolf
Summary: Professor Gilderoy Lockhart seems to be always in the Hogwarts Professors' way, and annoying them to no end. Would the Professors simply put up with him, or would they devise a plot to keep him busy so that they can keep the school functioning properly?


"I've had it Minerva!" Professor Sprout was shouting, from a secret meeting behind the third Herbology building, "If that man tries to tell me how to do my job one more time, I'll feed him to the Venemous Tantacula myself!"

"I've already had to restrain myself from shoving one of his books down his throat," Professor Flitwick squeaked.

"On top of his usual shenanigans, did you hear that he released a swarm of Cornish Pixies on one of his second year classes? Poor Mr. Longbottom was practically carried into my infirmary that day."Madame Pomfrey stated, disapprovingly, "Putting students in danger like that, I almost marched straight to his office and-," the rest of Madame Pomfrey's statement would have made even Severus Snape's jaw drop in shock.

"We are Hogwarts professors," Professor McGonagall spoke up, "we cannot lynch a fellow professor, but there must be some way we can keep him busy and out of our hair so that we can do our jobs."

"I think I've got an idea," Professor Flitwick spoke up. He quietly whispered his plans and they all agreed to meet later that night in his office. They were going to put their plan into action as soon as possible.

That evening, after students had returned to their dormitories, Gilderoy Lockhart was walking down a hallway on his rounds. He heard hushed whispers emanating from Professor Flitwick's office. The door stood slightly ajar and Lockhart leaned in close to catch snippets of a conversation. "What are we going to do?"…"...terrorizing the students…"…"No one knows how to get rid of them…"

Lockhart could not contain himself, this was exactly the type of situation he couldn't help by to get involved in. "My dear fellow professors," he barged through the door without even knocking, "What seems to be the problem?"

"Oh Gilderoy, thank goodness you're here!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, "A pack of… Invisible Tree Gnomes have been terrorizing the students in the courtyard, but none of us know enough about them to handle the situation. You wouldn't have happened upon any during your travels?"

"Tree Gnomes, you say?" Lockhart seemed confused about the matter.

"Well I suppose we could always ask Hagrid," Professor Sprout suggested to Professor McGonagall.

"Nonsense, my good Pomona," Lockhart cut in, "I have encountered many an Invisible Tree Gnome in my days. I was just surprised that they were this far west was all. I will do my best to get rid of these pests for you. I am after all the great Gilderoy Lockhart, awarded Most-Charming-Smile five times in a row!" With that he darted out of Professor Flitwick's office.

"Invisible Tree Gnomes?" Madame Pomfrey asked Professor McGonagall, inquisitively, "Is there such a thing?"

"I don't believe so," Professor McGonagall smirked, "Though Gilderoy seemed to know quite a bit about them.

That next morning Professor Severus Snape was walking through the courtyard when he spotted none other than Gilderoy Lockhart in a tree, waving his wand around like a loon. He was set to ignore him, but Gilderoy shouted to him in greeting. "Ah, good morning Severus!"

"Good Morning Gilderoy," Professor Snape replied with a raised eyebrow, "May I ask why in the world you are up in that tree?"

"Tree Gnomes, terrible little creatures, they're invisible, did you know? Oh of course you didn't, they're very rare. I'm helping Minerva and the others to gather them all before they harass any more of the students." Gilderoy Lockhart replied as he almost fell out of the tree.

Snape smirked as he caught on to what the other professors had been up to, "Is that so? Keep up the good work Gilderoy," Snape's oily voice held amusement in it, "If you'll excuse me."

"You wouldn't be interested in helping me would you?" Lockhart inquired or the potion's master.

"Oh I wouldn't even know where to begin helping with Invisible Tree Gnomes," Snape drawled, "I would just get in your way; you seem to have everything under control. Good day Gilderoy." With that Snape turned and stalked off, his cape billowing behind him and maybe even a bit of amusement in his eyes.


End file.
